Whose wedding is it anyway? Part one.

Being around a bride-to-be can be quite an education. And don’t forget the mother-in-law-to-be. For the past month, my brain has weathered a barrage of instructions about wedding etiquette. The next guy who asks me how the preparations (i.e shopping, shopping and more shopping) are going will find himself buried in my backyard.
It goes without saying that the most damage was incurred by my Y-chromosome. I now am aware of too many types of sarees (to the extent that I can now recognize a bomkai or chanderi saree blindfolded… not something to be proud of, I know).
I recently had to visit a ladies’ tailor for the first (and the last) time. I was forced to listen to an hour-long brainstorming session about the right kind of jewelry (something called a thushi, if you must know) to buy. I have been trained in distinguishing colours known only to puneri women (anjeeri, sonsali, baingani and daalimbi amongst others!). I know the pitfalls of using a powder make-up base as compared to a liquid foundation. Surely, by the end of this month, I will have learnt why a nose-ring looks more traditional on the left side.
And don’t even get me started on invitations! Why are the envelopes made from some recycled cloth-like paper (though it looks great)? Why are the envelopes only marginally bigger than the invitations so that it is almost impossible to stuff those suckers in? Why are they covered with sparkling chumki? Why don’t Indian stamps stick by just wetting them? Why do they taste like detergent (not that I have tasted that)? Why do the invitations bear my mobile number where it says R.S.V.P? Why do we have to invite baby mavshi from Bhandara? (or ‘baby Bhandara’ as we like to call her. Sorry, baby mavshi, we do not know your name, or surname, or your address or how I am related to you. However, I do know that baby mavshi from Nagpur is actually hemlata deshpande.)
In case you didn’t already know, the general rule is that the further away a person lives from the wedding venue, the lesser doubt you should have about sending them an invitation.